How can I help my toddler overcome separation anxiety?

How can I help my toddler overcome separation anxiety?


Separation anxiety is a common challenge faced by many toddlers and their parents. As your little one navigates through this critical developmental stage, you must use practical strategies to help them feel secure and build independence.

In this blog post, we'll discuss the causes of separation anxiety in toddlers, share valuable tips for easing their distress, and explore when professional assistance might be necessary.

Key Takeaways

  • Separation anxiety is a normal developmental stage for toddlers, typically between 6 months and three years of age.
  • Gradual separation techniques like short separations, developing routines, and providing comforting items can help ease separation anxiety in toddlers.
  • Encouraging independence through activities that interest them and allowing them some control over their routine is crucial in helping your toddler overcome separation anxiety.
  • Parents must manage their emotions when saying goodbye to their child, staying positive about new experiences or people in their child's life.

Understanding Separation Anxiety In Toddlers

Separation anxiety in toddlers is a normal part of child development, where a young child can experience fear, discomfort, and distress when separated from their parent or caregiver.

Definition And Causes

Separation anxiety in toddlers is a common and natural developmental stage experienced by many children. It occurs when a child becomes anxious or distressed at the prospect of being apart from their primary caregivers, usually their parents or guardians.

Various factors can contribute to separation anxiety in toddlers, including temperament, levels of stress in the environment, and quality of attachment between parent and child.

For instance, a toddler who has forged a strong bond with their caregiver may feel more secure and less likely to experience intense separation anxiety than those with insecure attachments.


Separation anxiety can manifest in different ways in toddlers. Here are some common symptoms to watch out for:

  1. Refusing to be away from the parent or caregiver
  2. Crying excessively when separated from the parent or caregiver
  3. Clinging onto the parent or caregiver at all times
  4. Having difficulty sleeping without the parent or caregiver nearby
  5. Expressing fear or worry that something terrible might happen to the parent or caregiver while they are away
  6. Experiencing physical symptoms like stomach aches, headaches, and vomiting when separated from the parent or caregiver

It's important to note that separation anxiety is normal in toddlers and can be a sign of healthy attachment between child and caregiver. However, persistent and severe separation anxiety may require professional help.

Normal Developmental Stage

Separation anxiety is a normal developmental stage that most children experience between 6 months and three years. During this time, children become more aware of their surroundings and form attachments with their caregivers.

Parents need to understand that separation anxiety is a sign of healthy development and should not be viewed as a negative behaviour. As children grow older and develop stronger bonds with other people, they will eventually outgrow feelings of separation anxiety.

In the meantime, there are ways parents can help ease their child's worries when separating from them, such as developing quick goodbye rituals or providing comforting items like stuffed animals or blankets.

Overcome Separation Anxiety

Tips For Helping Your Toddler Cope With Separation Anxiety

Use gradual separation techniques by leaving your toddler with a trusted caregiver for short periods, gradually increasing the duration.

Gradual Separation Techniques

Separation anxiety in toddlers can be challenging for both the child and parents. Gradual separation is a helpful strategy to ease separation anxiety. Here are some techniques to try:

  • Start with short separations: Begin with separating from your toddler for just a few minutes, gradually increasing the time as they get comfortable.
  • Inform your child: Let your child know when you are leaving and reassure them that you will be back soon. This helps them understand that separation is temporary.
  • Develop a routine: Establishing a way around separation helps children feel more in control. A goodbye ritual or hug before leaving can help with this.
  • Introduce new caregivers slowly: Allow your child to get familiar with new caregivers while you are present before leaving them alone together.
  • Provide comforting items: A blanket or stuffed animal can comfort the child when separated from their parent.

By trying these gradual separation techniques, parents can help toddlers feel more comfortable during separations, making it easier for both parent and child.

Comfort Items And Routines

Creating a soothing and predictable routine can help ease separation anxiety in toddlers. Establishing a consistent bedtime or morning routine that includes special activities such as reading books or singing songs can provide comfort and familiarity to your child.

Comfort items like a favourite stuffed animal, blanket, or family photo can also be helpful for children who are struggling with being away from their parents.

Remembering that every child will have unique needs and preferences when coping with separation anxiety is essential. Some children may prefer quiet alone time, while others may want extra snuggles and attention from caregivers.

The key is to remain flexible and try different strategies until you find what works best for your child.

Communication And Reassurance

Talking to your toddler about their feelings and reassuring them can help manage separation anxiety. Let them know it's okay to feel sad or scared when apart but remind them that you will always return for them.

Providing frequent physical touches, such as hugs and kisses, can also comfort toddlers dealing with separation anxiety. Make sure to give your child plenty of attention before leaving so they feel secure in your love for them.

By being present and attentive to their emotional needs, you can help ease their fears of separation.

Encouraging Independence

Encouraging independence is a crucial step in helping toddlers overcome separation anxiety. Giving your child the space and freedom to explore their surroundings, interact with new people, and try new things is essential.

Encourage them to engage in activities that interest them, like playing with toys or drawing pictures.

Allowing your child some control over their daily routine can also help build independence. For example, let them choose what clothes to wear or which book they want to read before bedtime.

Remember that every child is different and will develop at their own pace.

Managing Your Own Emotions

It can be tough to see your child struggling with separation anxiety, but managing your emotions when saying goodbye is essential. Children are intuitive and can pick up on your stress or worry, which could exacerbate their feelings of distress.

Before leaving, take a few deep breaths and remind yourself that separation anxiety is normal for toddlers. Try to remain calm and cheerful as you say goodbye – this will help reassure your child that everything is okay.

One tip for managing your emotions is to stay positive about the new experiences or people in your child's life. If they're starting daycare or preschool, talk excitedly about all the fun things they'll do there.

If a new caregiver is coming over, introduce them warmly and show trust in their ability to care for your child.

Strategies For Transitioning To New Situations

Prepare your toddler for new situations by introducing them to the environment and letting them explore with you, talk about what to expect and reassure them that they are safe, provide a familiar toy or item for comfort, and stay positive and calm during the transition.

Preparing For Daycare Or Preschool

If your toddler is heading off to daycare or preschool, the anticipation of separation can be challenging for both of you. Here are some tips to help prepare your child and ease their separation anxiety:

  • Visit your child's daycare or preschool beforehand to familiarize them with the new setting.
  • Meet the teacher or caregiver ahead of time so that your child can get comfortable with them.
  • Read books about starting school or daycare for your child to help them understand what to expect.
  • Talk positively about the new experience and focus on the fun things they will get to do, like playing with toys, making friends, and learning new things.
  • Start practicing short separations by leaving your child with a trusted caregiver for brief periods, gradually increasing the time.
  • Establish a consistent drop-off routine, keeping goodbye rituals brief and consistent to help build trust and reduce anxiety.

Following these tips and being patient with your child's separation anxiety can help make the transition to daycare or preschool a positive experience for everyone involved.

Introducing New Caregivers Or Routines

Introducing new caregivers or routines can be daunting for parents and toddlers, especially when dealing with separation anxiety. Planning and communication are essential in helping your toddler cope with these changes.

Start by gradually introducing the new caregiver or routine to your child while remaining present to provide comfort and reassurance. Encouraging independence by allowing your toddler to participate in activities such as packing their bag or choosing their clothes for daycare can help them feel more confident.

For instance, introduce a new babysitter by having them come over and play with your child while you are still home before leaving them alone.

Travelling Or Visiting New Places

Travelling or visiting new places can be incredibly challenging for toddlers with separation anxiety. It's important to talk to your child about the upcoming trip or visit and explain what will happen.

To help ease the anxiety, bring along some familiar items from home, such as a favourite toy, blanket, or pillow. Also, keep consistent routines while on the road or away from home.

Remember to stay calm and positive throughout the trip or visit. Your toddler can pick up on your emotions and may feel more anxious if they sense you're upset or stressed.

Reassure your child that you are there for them and provide plenty of love and affection during this transition period.

When To Seek Professional Help

If your toddler's separation anxiety is persistent, severe, or accompanied by other behavioural or emotional concerns, it may be time to seek professional help through therapy.

Persistent Or Severe Separation Anxiety

If your child's separation anxiety persists or worsens, it may be time to seek professional help. Signs of persistent or severe separation anxiety include:

  • Excessive worry or fear about being separated from a parent.
  • Physical symptoms such as headaches and stomachaches when separated from a parent.
  • Difficulty participating in everyday activities due to anxiety.

Working with a therapist can help you and your child develop coping mechanisms for managing separation anxiety. Strategies that may be used include:

  • Play therapy.
  • Positive reinforcement for independent behaviour.
  • Gradual exposure to situations that trigger anxiety.

Other Behavioral Or Emotional Concerns

Sometimes, toddler separation anxiety can be linked to other behavioural or emotional concerns. For example, if your child is experiencing significant stress at home or dealing with uncomfortable changes, it can make them clingy and hesitant when separating from you.

Additionally, children with negative experiences with caregivers or in new environments may develop an increased fear of being separated from their parents.

Paying attention to these signs and seeking professional help if necessary is essential. A qualified therapist can provide helpful interventions to address separation anxiety and any underlying issues contributing to your child's distress.

How Therapy Can Help

If your toddler's separation anxiety persists or becomes severe, seeking professional help may be necessary. Therapy can provide a safe space for your child to explore their emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Play therapy is commonly used in treating separation anxiety in young children. It allows them to express themselves through play while building trust and rapport with the therapist.

It is essential to remember that there is no shame in seeking outside support for yourself or your child. Acknowledging and addressing mental health concerns head-on shows strength and dedication as a parent.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long does separation anxiety last in toddlers? Can it affect their sleep patterns, and what if your toddler refuses to leave your side? These are some common questions parents have about separation anxiety in young children.

How Long Will Separation Anxiety Last?

Separation anxiety is a common and normal developmental stage for toddlers that usually begins around 6-8 months of age and can last until they are about three years old. However, each child is unique, and the duration of their separation anxiety may vary.

The good news is that most children will eventually outgrow their separation anxiety with consistent support, reassurance, and familiar routines. You must remain patient with your child as they navigate this phase.

Can Separation Anxiety Affect Sleep Patterns?

Separation anxiety can affect sleep patterns in toddlers. When left alone, a child might feel anxious and worried, making it hard for them to fall asleep or stay asleep throughout the night.

Establishing a soothing bedtime routine can help ease separation anxiety and promote better sleep habits. This could involve reading a favourite storybook, singing lullabies, or cuddling with a stuffed animal or blanket that provides comfort.

Parents should also try to calm their children down before putting them to bed and ensure they feel safe and secure before leaving the room.

What If My Toddler Refuses To Leave My Side?

If your toddler struggles with separation anxiety and refuses to leave your side, knowing what steps you should take can be challenging. It's essential to understand that this behaviour is typical for toddlers experiencing fear and having difficulty processing their emotions.

One way to help ease their worries is by providing comfort items or reminders of their parent when they miss them, such as a photo or favourite toy. Additionally, consider engaging in activities that distract them while you're out of sight.


Dealing with separation anxiety can be challenging for both parents and their toddlers. But by understanding what causes these emotions and employing effective coping strategies, you can help your child learn how to manage their feelings better.

Remember to be consistent in your approach, use communication to reassure them, and gradually transition into new situations. And if needed, don't hesitate to seek professional support from a therapist or counsellor specializing in childhood emotional well-being.


1. What is separation anxiety in toddlers, and what are the common symptoms?

Separation anxiety is a normal developmental stage between 6 months to 3 years of age, where toddlers feel anxious or upset when separated from their primary caregiver. Common symptoms include crying, clinginess, temper tantrums, refusing to go to daycare/school, nightmares and physical complaints (e.g., stomachaches).

2. How can I prepare my toddler for separation before it happens?

To help ease your child's separation anxiety, you can practice short separations while gradually increasing the time away from each other. You can also establish routines and give advanced warning before leaving by saying goodbye with a hug/kiss or giving them something special (e.g., a family photo) as a transitional object.

3. What should I do if my toddler becomes upset during separations?

If your toddler becomes upset during separations, reassuring them that you will return soon and leave confidently without prolonging goodbyes is essential. You can also allow them to bring comfort items such as blankets or stuffed animals if allowed by the preschool/daycare facility.

4. When should I seek professional help for my child's separation anxiety?

It may be helpful to seek professional help if your child's separation anxiety affects their daily functioning (e.g., interferes with social activities), persists beyond early childhood years or causes significant distress for both the child and parent/caregiver involved. A mental health professional can provide behaviour management strategies and psychotherapy approaches tailored to address children's separation anxiety.

Source URLs

Back to blog